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Off-Ramp's John Rabe explains John "My Stupid Mouth" Mayer

By now, you’ve probably heard that not only has John Mayer granted an interview to Playboy magazine, but he’s apologized for 99% of it.

For instance, he used the n-word.

Playboy: “Someone asked me the other day, 'What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?' And by the way, it's sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a 'hood pass, you could call it a n---- pass,’” he said, then added: “But I said, 'I can't really have a 'hood pass. I've never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, 'We're full.’”

Props to Mayer for admitting he’s never been discriminated against the way millions of blacks have been. And for apologizing:

AP: “… the point I was trying to make was in the exact opposite spirit of the word itself. It was arrogant of me to think I could intellectualize using it, because I realize that there's no intellectualizing a word that is so emotionally charged."

But lets’ add this:

“And, I’d also like to apologize to the ghost of Michael Richards who was shouting in my ear, ‘Shut up, you idiot! Never, ever, use the n-word.’”

Mayer also apologized for calling former girlfriend Jessica Simpson “sexual napalm,” possibly in a nod to Tom Jones’ “Sex Bomb.”

Mayer possibly meant that Simpson was a sexual “date palm,” which, if you have one in your yard, you know has huge scary spikes on it, drops thousands of inedible dates, and attracts Catholics who want to burn it to start Lent. Just like Jessica Simpson.

Mayer also famously dated Jennifer Aniston, and apologized for characterizing her as an old lady addicted to her Clapper and "Tonite Show with Johnny Carson" VHS tapes:

AP: He said he still loved Aniston, but then noting their age difference (she just turned 41), he said: “I can't change the fact that I need to be 32. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she's still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction.”

Rabe Tweet: OMG. Am at Fraiche in CC. JM here w/JA. He’s Tweeting & she’s fuming.

Maybe, John, you’re Tweeting so much you didn’t notice that the n-word has been cultural napalm for about fifty years.

AP: In the interview, he also explained why he didn't date black women, comparing his genitals to “a white supremacist.”

I’m not exactly sure what he means by this. He's ... or ... ??? I just don't know. It's too complicated and there are too many possibilities. I’ll leave it to black women to righteously attack Mayer for including them in the same breath with his genitalia. But I do hope he’s not apologizing for seeming to say that the bullies of the KKK are poorly endowed.

Finally, as I wrap this up ... to inoculate myself against charges I’m a hypocrite, given my own checkered past, I’d like to apologize to my legions of Off-Ramp fans for posing for this picture. Please understand, it was an earlier time … and I didn’t own a trimmer.

Is Jimmy Carter smiling quietly to himself right about now?

(Check out John's weekly show Off-Ramp.)